Two Days Of Hell
by Xandrolar1
Summary: Merlin is ill, Arthur sends him home, what follows is two days of hell for both of them. And they're not even being attacked!  Comedy Fic, hope you like, please Read and Review
1. Chapter 1

Two Days of Hell

"AHH CHOO!" Merlin covered his mouth and nose as he sneezed; sitting at his desk Arthur looked up at his Manservant. Slightly runny nose, puffed eyes, and slightly sweating forehead.

"Sorry" Merlin said sniffing, as he turned back to the task of making Arthur's bed.

"If you've got snot on those blankets I'll wrap you in them for a week" Arthur replied, but in a tone that said he was joking.

"Arthur that's disgusting" Merlin replied, his nose starting to twitch again. Arthur prepared himself, but Merlin managed to get it under control.

"Look Merlin, I know your all about doing your duties through sickness and health, but once you've done the bed I want you to go to Gaius, see if he can give you something to help" Arthur said.

"I'm fine"

"Merlin, you've been in here an hour, you've sneezed on my breakfast, run out twice to be sick, and add to the fact you look like hell, I don't need to be a physician to realise you are emphatically _not_ fine" Arthur replied.

"Then who's going to do the rest of your chores?" asked Merlin.

"God forgive me, but I can call George in, you're not the only servant in the castle Merlin" Arthur replied.

"I'm the only Kings servant in the castle" Merlin retorted.

"Yes, and at the moment your King is actually becoming concerned" Arthur said. Merlin blinked and smiled.

"That you might easily end up turning my bed covers into a breeding ground for Merlin's snot collections" Arthur finished.

"It'd add some colour to them, you have to admit" Merlin replied, looking down at the white sheets. Arthur grinned despite himself.

"Merlin, Go, I'm sure I can go one or two days without your services" Arthur said. Merlin sighed and finished tucking in the last of the bed sheets.

"I'll try to get back later" Merlin said. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"You can come back when Gaius says you can alright" Arthur replied.

"Alright, alright" Merlin grumbled, then with a bow turned to walk out.

"And Merlin" Arthur called. Merlin turned back to him.

"Get well soon" he said. Merlin smiled again then turned and left the room.

* * *

><p>Merlin made his way back to Gaius's chambers, slowly opening the door, and walking in, Gaius looking up at him.<p>

"Good lord, I told you to rest didn't I" Gaius said standing, guiding Merlin to the small stool he sat on when they had dinner.

"At least you had sense enough to come back here" he added as he placed a hand on Merlin's forehead.

"Yeah, I think I made it in time as well" Merlin agreed. It sounded better than _I didn't want to but Arthur ordered me_ at any rate.

"Well you have a fever, have you been sick?"

"Twice" Merlin said.

"Headache?"

"Yes"

"How have your stools been?"

"Gaius!" Merlin protested.

"Merlin, at the moment I am not your guardian, I am your physician" Gaius told him. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"Arthur's using them for fertilizer" he replied.

"I see. Well there's really not a lot I can do, it seems you have the flu, so all I can prescribe is a lot of rest, plenty of water and chicken broth" Gaius said.

"I could use magic to get rid of this" Merlin suggested.

"Yes and then you could explain to Arthur how you miraculously recovered in a few short hours. Merlin let it be, it's a cold, there are no threats at the moment. Enjoy yourself, sleep in a little, you have earned it" Gaius said. Merlin was about to protest, but strangely, the idea didn't seem to be all that bad.

"A couple of days" Merlin replied. Gaius nodded.

"Good, now off to bed with you, I'll be in later with some broth" he said, Merlin got up off the stool and made his way up the small set of stairs into his room where he closed the shutters, opened the window slightly, undressed and climbed into bed.

* * *

><p>"Of course sire, if your current manservant were here, I could properly teach him the art of polishing brass. For example, if you use the cloth thusly you will notice the slight sheen the brass develops, but if you do it this way, you see, the brass is both clean and the sheen is also less defined providing more of a professional quality to it" George said. Arthur was sat at his desk open mouthed.<p>

"Really? That's… _so_ interesting" Arthur managed to say, all he had asked at the start of the lecture was : "how long will it be before my armour is clean?"

"Indeed, but surprisingly, when it comes to weapons, swords for instance, if you watch-" George began, Arthur held up his hand.

"No.. no its quite alright, I believe you have made your point" Arthur said.

"As you wish sire" George said, and began to polish the sword in silence. Arthur slowly reached forwards, picked up an apple from the fruit bowl and bit into it. George looked up at him. Arthur chewed for several moments, then slowly paused. He gulped and blinked.

"Is something wrong?" Arthur asked.

"Sire, that apple, is it from the trees in the garden or from the market?" George asked.

"Does it matter?" asked Arthur, then mentally impaled himself on his sword.

"why of course it matters, You see those sold in the market are liable to have been there for at least several days before being sold to the public, while those on the trees will be quite fresh, therefore retaining a lot of their moisture, while those in the market may appear to be dry, almost tasteless in comparison" George told him. Arthur nodded slowly and put the apple down on the table.

"Sire!" George said, eyes wide. Arthur snatched the apple back up.

"What? What I do? What?"

"you should never eat food that has touched a bare table, no telling what you might pick up from it" George told him.

"What?" Arthur actually squeaked.

"Do you have any idea how many dangerous substances can cross the surface of a table, why any number of –"

"George"

"Sire"

"Polish the sword… please" Arthur said. George took a deep breath.

"Very well sire, but if you become ill from eating that apple, please remember I did warn you"

"Oh I'll remember.. I'll remember I promise" Arthur vowed. "I will take that knowledge to my grave" he added. George nodded and turned away, not seeing Arthur glaring at him hands open in a choke hold, however he quickly composed himself when George turned back briefly, he forced what he hoped was a genuine looking smile, as he picked up the quill and ink, quietly terrified George would have something to say on the merits of using a sharpened bird feather to write.

"_Sire! Do you know the germs Birds carry on them?"_ he mentally heard George's voice in his head.

And it had only been one hour.

* * *

><p>Merlin, despite the heaviness of his eyes found himself tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Slowly he looked at the door as Gaius walked in, carrying a pail of water.<p>

"Can't sleep?" asked Gaius kindly.

"No, one minute I'm hot, then I'm freezing, then I'm alright but the bed is uncomfortable…" Merlin grumbled.

"Were you never sick as a child?" asked Gaius.

"Of course. One year I got it so bad I was in bed for a fortnight. Well on the floor. I never had a bed" he replied. Gaius nodded.

"And how did you sleep in those times?" asked Gaius.

"My mother would tell me stories" Merlin replied.

"Ahh" Gaius smiled. "Well, If you want I know a few stories, might not be up to the standards of your mothers, but perhaps it might help?" he offered. Merlin smiled, then nodded. _Why not? Let me be taken care of for a change_ he thought.

"Lets see… ahh, yes. Have you heard of the great deer called Solace?" Gaius asked.

"No" Merlin admitted.

"Well, once, long ago, Camelot was just a small village, this was oh, two, three hundred years ago" Gaius said. "Anyways, the people were simple, much like you in a way-"

Merlin blinked, but Gaius completely missed his insult.

"A kind, generous people, helping their neighbours, until one day, a giant deer appeared in the nearby forest. Its antlers were huge, its eyes were like those of royalty. It was said that this was Solace, the king of all deer" Gaius said. "The villagers worshiped it, fed and watered it, and it was quite content to remain in the village, but it soon became apparent that it was becoming restless. Every so often, with increasing duration it would wonder into the forest, only to return a day or two later. The villagers wondered what was happening to their deer king, and one day two of them followed it" Gaius said.

"And?" asked Merlin.

"Well, it turned out the deer didn't like this, so it beat its hoofs and shook its antlers at them, causing them to flee, before it checked on its babies"

"Awwww" Merlin said with a smile. Gaius nodded in agreement.

"Yes. Anyways, when the deer returned to the village the following day, they shot it and ate it" Gaius finished proudly. Merlin blinked, a look of confusion on his face.

"They wha?" Merlin asked.

"well, when it had threatened the villagers they got it into their heads it was insane and might attack someone" Gaius explained. "Anyways, did that story help?" asked Gaius with a smile.

"No…" Merlin replied with a wail. "The Deer got eaten!" he added.

"Well, yes… I suppose I might have changed the ending" Gaius admitted. "But there is a moral to this story"

"Yeah, don't eat deer's with babies!" Merlin yelled.

"No: don't judge a book by its cover" Gaius replied gruffly as he stood, he huffed again and muttered as he walked out, and Merlin was more awake than ever.

* * *

><p>"Arthur I need to talk to-" Gwen said as she knocked and entered his chambers. Arthur looked up at her, holding a breast plate, grinning like a mad man<p>

"Look Gwen! Smudge!" he wiped it over "no smudge!"

"Are you alright?" she asked gently, stepping forwards, knocking one of the pieces of armour to the floor. Arthur snatched it up, twisting it around in his hands, examining it closely.

"Arthur?" Gwen asked again. Arthur looked up as George entered placing some food on the table. Gwen smiled at him.

"Thank you George, ermm might I be permitted to speak to our king alone?" she requested.

"Sire?" asked George.

"Thank you George, its fine" Arthur said. George did not look happy, but left the room closing the door.

"Gwen I want Merlin back" Arthur said.

"Arthur. Its been a day… not even that, and I'm here to inform you Gaius says Merlin will be out of action at least until Thursday" she said.

"But it's Tuesday" Arthur said.

"Yes" Gwen nodded as Arthur moved to the table and then picked up some of the food. He went to take a bite then stopped. Gwen becoming more concerned by the second.

"Arthur?" she prompted.

"Gwen you have to help me. He's killing me!" Arthur said.

"Who is?"

"George!"

"What?"

"I've tried. I've tried so damned hard to be nice to him, but he's so… damned… boring its killing me" he said. "yes sire, no sire, have you seen the proper way to properly clean brass sire? Let me show you sire, don't eat apples from the market Sire, don't eat food when it's fallen on the table sire"

"Arthur, I'm sure he's not that bad" Gwen said.

"He is. He is! he is!" Arthur replied stamping his feet. "Oh gods.. look at me Gwen. I feel like a nervous wreck"

"You look like one as well actually" she replied.

"This isn't funny Gwen. I can't say anything to him that would hurt his feelings, but at the moment I want to hand him an anvil and push him off a cliff!" Arthur said. Gwen however was doubled over. Arthur sighing as he waited. Finally she composed herself, looked at Arthur, then doubled over again.

"In your own time Gwen, I can wait" Arthur replied.

"I'm sorry Arthur, but… come on you have to admit, this is funny" she said. Arthur glared at her.

"This is Merlin's fault" he muttered.

"How'd you figure that out?" asked Gwen.

"He got sick just so he could slack off" Arthur said.

"Arthur, can you stop for one moment and listen to yourself?" she asked. "Merlin is ill, it happens, and you can't plan it" she said.

"I know. I just… I miss him Gwen, and you must not tell him I told you that" he added.

"not a word" she replied. "So anyways, as I was saying, Merlin is out at least until Thursday" she said.

"I can't do it Gwen. I can't spend another day here with him… and expect to keep my sanity" Arthur said.

"Arthur it's one day" Gwen said.

"I know!"

"What?" she asked.

"We'll go hunting" Arthur said. Gwen raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, but if George comes back with an arrow in his head I'll know what really happened" she replied.

* * *

><p>Merlin ate his broth silently, he had asked Gaius for something to read if possible, just so he wouldn't get bored. Gaius had brought the broth and several volumes on the History of the Pendragons, the Rise of the five Kingdoms and other things. Merlin had thanked him, opened the first book and had a headache at the end of the first page of the first book. Yes, light reading material indeed. Slowly he had closed the book and put them on the floor next to the bed.<p>

"I'm going to bed now Merlin, don't stay up reading too late!" Gaius called in.

"I won't!" Merlin called back. "Believe me" he muttered.

"what was that?" Gaius called back.

"I said I'll be going to sleep in a bit" Merlin said.

"good, goodnight" Gaius called.

"Goodnight!" Merlin called back. The room fell into silence. And Merlin sat the empty bowl down on the small nightstand then magically extinguished the candle. He settled down into bed and closed his eyes. He lay there for nearly twenty minuets before he got a familiar sensation in his stomach.

"Great" he muttered as he turned over. He ignored it as best he could, but after few more minuets it began to overwhelm him. Sighing he got up, went to the small bucket in the corner to pee, before turning. Unfortunately in the darkness and his sleepy state he had completely forgotten the books, which he promptly tripped over, sending them, the side table and himself crashing to the floor. He managed to catch the bowl with magic and set it down gently on the bed, even as Gaius ran in.

"What the devil happened? Did you collapse?" he asked concerned.

"No, I tripped" Merlin replied standing up, and picking the books up. He winced as he went to his bed.

"Are you sure you're alright?" asked Gaius.

"Gaius I'm fine, I just tripped" Merlin assured him. He smiled to Gaius, then sat on the bed, the smile fading as there was a loud crack.

"Ow….." he muttered.

"Merlin?" asked Gaius.

"I think I broke the bowl" Merlin said with a grimace. "OW!" he emphasized. Gaius rolled his eyes.

"You sat on it didn't you"

"Yes" he replied with a pained squeak.

"It smashed didn't it" Gaius asked.

"Yes" this time the pain was hitting him. Gaius began to laugh.

"I think Merlin you can use magic in this instance" Gaius assured him, before he walked out.

Forty minuets later, the bowl fragments successfully extracted Merlin lay in bed going over the day's events. Sent home by Arthur, a really not useful story from Gaius, two more bouts of sickness, tripping over spraining his ankle and getting a bowl break under his backside.

"And I thought protecting Arthur was dangerous" he muttered, but thankfully, sleep finally overtook him.


	2. Chapter 2

Morning came far too quickly for Merlin's liking. With a yawn he turned over, wincing as the previous night's escapade flashed back in his mind. Absently he rubbed his backside, before moving over to the window and opening the shutters letting in the sunlight. He yawned as he looked down into the courtyard, seeing Arthur already there with the knights and George, all saddled up. George was saying something and the nights all turned to look at him, and George, utterly oblivious, carried right on talking. Merlin grinned and stepped back. Falling _again_ on the books he had placed on the floor and landing hard on his back. He laid there for several moments just looking up at the ceiling as the door opened and Gaius walked in, staring down at him.

"You're awake then" Gaius stated. "What are you doing down there?" he asked. Merlin's gaze found his.

"Just checking the ceiling for cracks" Merlin admitted. Gaius blinked, looked up, then back at Merlin.

"Well don't stay there too long, you'll catch your death on that cold floor" he said before walking out. Merlin slowly closed his eyes. _Thud, thud, thud__. _Yep, hitting ones head gently on the floor could be quite therapeutic.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you don't want me to kill him?" whispered Gwaine as he rode next to Arthur. At the back of the group, George was busy explaining the various pitfalls of eating just any berry's from bushes, and their various side effects.<p>

"It's tempting, but no" Arthur said. Gwaine gave a grumble of protest, but brightened when George finally shut up after another twenty minuets.

"So I hear you can polish brass better than anyone" said Leon suddenly. Arthur groaned.

"Yes, its not an easy ability but can be learned" George said, lapsing into silence. Arthur, Gwaine, Elyan and Percival all breathed a sigh of relief.

"so what's the secret?" asked Leon.

"Shut up… shut up… please make him shut up" Arthur muttered, too late, the damage was done. George lapsed into a detail explanation, which Leon was quite happy to listen too.

"Please, one stab.. just one" said Gwaine. "I'll even start calling you sire" he whispered. If only he knew how tempted Arthur was at that point.

"If I can deal with this, then so can you" Arthur replied. Behind him he heard Elyan and Percival both groan. Finally however George finished with his explanation, everyone breathing a sigh of relief.

"And that is with the use of just normal cleaning implements?" asked Leon.

"SHUT UP!" Arthur, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan all screamed at him. Leon blinked, then nodded. Satisfied the group continued on their way.

"Actually any cloth will do, but for the best results you need one that's…" George began.

"I want to cry" muttered Percival. Beside Arthur Gwaine made stabbing motions with his hand, before running it along his throat.

"Actually I'm hoping Morgana is going to show up and kill me" said Elyan.

"He'd probably talk her to death" muttered Arthur, as they trotted towards the forest.

* * *

><p>Merlin had got back into bed and was attempting to read one of the books again, he had dozed for about an hour, then woken up again, mostly due to the song bird that had landed on his window ledge and started singing in at him. The same song bird that was still singing at him. Merlin had of course slammed books closed, waved his hands towards it and even tried to dislodge it with magic.<p>

The little git was having none of it. This was his window ledge Merlin be damned. Now it was coming to the point when Merlin was seriously considering having stuffed songbird for dinner.

"Go away" he hissed at it. The songbird chirped and hopped backwards and forwards on the ledge, happily going about it's business. He tried to ignore it for a few more minuets, then sighed closing the book and glaring at it.

"This room ain't big enough for the both of us" he muttered as he leant forwards. The songbird stopped jumping around and looked at him, it too seeming to lean forwards. This was it. The challenge had been issued: Man vs Bird. Merlin looked around briefly, then, seeing a candle just next to where the songbird was staring at him. He grinned, his eyes turned gold and the candle burst to life. The songbird was startled enough to take flight. Unfortunately it came into the room. Merlin ducked as it flew over him, then looked up only to have a small set of bird droppings hit his face. Slowly he wiped it away and glared at the bird that was perched on the end of his bed. Looking at him with an expression that almost said _bring it on bitch_. Merlin growled low in his throat. His eyes glowed yelled, then he suddenly sneezed. There was a bang and when he looked up it was raining burnt Bird feathers. Merlin shivered guilty and moved forwards, looking over the edge of the bed. He's hadn't meant to kill the creature, just scare it away. Instead he saw the bird lying on his back, looking a little charred and dazed, but still alive.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to burn you" Merlin said as he picked the bird up gently. The bird made an attempt to chirp but all it managed was a wheeze. Slowly Merlin put it on the beside table and held his hand over it, when the door opened and Gwen walked in. She stopped and stared at him.

"Gwen" he said looking up at her and trying not to look too guilty.

"Merlin" she greeted, as she tilted her head. "What are you doing to that bird?" she asked.

"It errr.. flew in here and hit the wall, I was just making sure it was alright" he lied. Gwen nodded, then grinned.

"Sometimes you amaze me" she said.

"I do?" he asked.

"Taking care of Arthur is one thing, but seeing you take care of injured animals, it just goes to show how good a person you really are" she said, then still smiling left the room. Merlin blinked and looked at the bird, who looked back at him.

"I feel awful" he said.

"Tweet" the bid replied.

* * *

><p>"Now remember, we have to be very… very quiet" Arthur said as the group crept forwards. They had found their quarry and run it to ground near a small stream, slowly the knights and George approached it as it grazed peacefully. It's ears twitched and it looked up, then went back to grazing. Slowly Arthur approached, crossbow taking aim.<p>

"Oh it's a buck!" said George excitedly. The bolt went off and sailed over the Buck and into the small stream. The buck for its part took flight and was soon out of sight. Slowly, ever so slowly Arthur turned to George. He took a deep breath and then smiled.

"George. I know I don't know a lot about you, or where you come from, or even how you got a job in the castle" he said.

"Well Sire, its rather an interesting stor-"

Arthur held up his hand.

"Nor George, do I care. I've listened to you.. I really have, now I would like you to just listen to the next two words I say, can you do that George? Can you?" Arthur asked.

"Yes of course sire" George replied.

"Good" Arthur smiled, then his face fell and became an angry red. "SHUT UP!" he roared. The knights all backed away from him, then at George who was blinking rapidly. Slowly the manservant nodded, stood and walked away. Arthur watched for a moment, but immediately felt guilty.

"Maybe that was a little _too_ intense?" offered Gwaine. Arthur slowly glared up at him.

"Thank you for that Gwaine, I feel so much better" Arthur snarled as he walked away.

"Well Gwaine, if I can say anything about" Elyan said patting the other knights arm, "you do pick your moments" he finished.

* * *

><p>Merlin had dozed off again, after finding a little bowel and using some of Gaius's old bandages to place the injured Songbird in. The bird had tweeted happily, and settled down quietly, and Merlin had also settled down, finally drifting off into a doze. He turned over in bed, hugging his pillow and snored gently. His door opened quietly and Gaius backed into the room with some fresh water and broth, and even some bread for the bird, and turned around, the bowl, jug and bread.<p>

"MERLIN!" he cried out. Merlin sat bolt upright and looked at him. Then at the naked woman lying next to him. His eyes went wide, and he gaped at her, he knew the pillow felt too damned warm.

"Gaius.. I can explain" he stammered.

"I'm gone for two minuets and you turn this place into a brothel!" Gaius demanded.

"Gaius, I don't know who this is!" Merlin said.

"Well for someone you don't know you obviously wanted to know a little too much!" Gaius said.

"Honestly I don't!" he cried. He looked at the woman.

"Who are you?" he demanded.

"Tweet?" the woman replied. Merlin blinked as did Gaius, slowly they looked at each other.

"What did you do?" asked Gaius.

"I don't know!" Merlin exclaimed. Gaius sighed.

"Did you use Magic?" he asked.

"No… yes… maybe a little" Merlin admitted. "I had to Gaius, I did hurt it"

"Obviously you improved its form" Gaius said as Merlin quickly put the sheets on his bed around the woman.

"Gaius… this isn't funny" Merlin moaned as the woman began bobbing her head and pulling at the blanket with her teeth.

"And I am _not_ laughing" Gaius replied. "Honestly Merlin if you wanted to improve your…. Love life, then I'm sure a real woman would have sufficed" Gaius said.

"Gaius that's disgusting" Merlin reported. "I don't go for Birds I go for…. Wait, let me rephrase that.. I don't go for animal birds I go for… women… birds…" he said. "Sally for instance" he added. Gaius nodded then his eyes went wide.

"You mean…?" he asked.

"Gaius, just because I'm Arthur's servant doesn't mean I don't notice other aspects of castle life" Merlin said.

"Yes" Gaius drawled. Then he sighed. "Can you change her back?" he asked.

"Gaius I don't even know _how_ I managed this" Merlin replied as the Woman tilted her head between the two men.

"Then I suggest you find a way, god knows what Arthur will think when he comes back and finds her in here" he muttered.

"Arthur's going to kill me. He'll think I've spent two days…." Merlin's voice trailed off.

"And he's going to think I was in on it" Gaius said.

"Great, so between the Tavern excuses and this, he's going to think I'm a drunken sexaholic" Merlin muttered.

"You're not quite Gwaine yet" Gaius told him. Merlin looked up.

"You are really not helping" Merlin replied.


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur found George back by the horses, moping silently. Still feeling guilty as hell he approached the prissy manservant.

"Look George, I might have come across a little too heavy handed back there" Arthur began, George looked up at him then and sighed.

"No, you were quite within reason to tell me off, I'm a boring goat, I know I am" George admitted. Arthur smiled tightly, mentally changing goat to dragon, but saying nothing. "But I take pride in my work, I really do, it's what sustains me, keeps me going through the days and nights" he said.

"And it was wrong of me to snap like that" Arthur tried again.

"No, you are the king and of course you are always right, even though you did mistake that animal-"

"George"

"Sire?"

"Shut up and let me apologise"

"Of course sire" George said.

"Good, where was I?"

"Sire…" George said.

"Ahh yes, now I know I am king but that does not-"

"Sire" Georges voice was more insistent.

"-Mean I can treat people like dirt, after all its obvious-"

"SIRE!" George screamed.

"WHAT?" Arthur demanded.

"Gryphon?" George said pointing behind them. Arthur turned as the large beaked creature screeched in his face.

"Ahh, Gryphon" Said Arthur.

* * *

><p>Gwaine, Elyan, Percival and Leon all looked up as Arthur came charging out from the bushes at a breakneck speed, George just behind him. The knights watching as they ran past.<p>

"Wonder what's got into them?" asked Gwaine, as behind him the Gryphon screeched again.

"Maybe that?" offered Percival.

"May just be" Gwaine agreed, then the knights took off after their _very_ wise king and his current manservant.

* * *

><p>"So what do I do with her?" asked Merlin as he stood next to Gaius by the door, watching the woman moving around the room, picking up things, including Merlin's old socks with her mouth, not yet realising she now possessed hands.<p>

"Try not to throw up" Gaius said as she turned around with a pair of Merlin's undergarments in her mouth. She tilted her head at the two men quizzically.

"Drop! Bad Bird!" Merlin commanded. The woman backed off a little then dropped the pants in the corner of the room, next to the socks, Neckerchiefs, books and other assorted stuff that Merlin didn't even remember owning onto a slowly growing pile.

"Gaius what is she doing?" Merlin asked at a loss. Gaius looked at the pile then at the woman.

"A NEST!" he suddenly shouted, causing Merlin to jump, and the woman to hop around the room flapping her arms madly, knocking over the table, the chair and Merlin. Slowly Merlin got back to his feet, rubbing his chin where she'd hit him.

"A nest?" asked Merlin wincing as the woman calmed down, and began to tug at Merlin's bed sheets.

"Exactly!, Merlin whatever happened to her, she still think's she's a bird!" Gaius exclaimed.

"Oh great, so I have the bird woman of Camelot making a nest with my underpants now" Merlin muttered.

"You should get her some of Arthur's. at least they'd be more comfortable" Gaius said. Merlin nodded then frowned.

"How do you know – actually, no… I don't want to know how you know" Merlin said.

"You really do think the world of me don't you Merlin" Gaius muttered as the woman finally got the bed sheet over to the corner, where she began to poke at them setting them out in a small circle before settling down into it contentedly.

"Well at least she's quiet" Merlin said finally, the woman looking at each of the men in turn. Gaius nodded.

"As long as she doesn't want to lay an egg" Gaius told him. Merlin nodded, then frowned before shaking his head.

"So, back to the original question. What do I do with her?" Merlin asked.

"I'll need to consult my books, you however will need to keep her occupied" Gaius told him.

"And how do I do that?" asked Merlin. "The last time I had a meaningful interaction with her I nearly turned her into roast birdie!" Merlin said. Gaius raised his eyebrows.

"Considering the alternative that might have been a better outcome, I suppose I'll just try to keep her out of sight" he said.

"CHEEP! CHERP! TWEET!" The woman suddenly screamed, before diving into the nest rummaging around.

"Which will not be easy" Merlin muttered. "Oh for the love of Albion will you put my pants down!" he yelled as Gaius closed the door, chuckling to himself.

"I heard that!"

* * *

><p>"HOW DO WE KILL IT!" shouted Elyan as the Gryphon gained on them.<p>

"Ermm.. Something about enchanted weapons!" Arthur called back.

"Arthur!"

"What Gwaine?"

"Use the damned Sword!"

"What? It's just a sword Gwaine!"

"It's a bloody sword that's been stuck in a bloody stone for bloody years, you don't put any old sword in a stone!" he yelled. Arthur grinned then stopped, George knocking him flying as he barrelled into the back of him, followed by Leon, Gwaine, Elyan and then Percival.

"Sorry bout that" said Arthur standing and stepping around the pile of knights and Georges wriggling arms from beneath all of them. Arthur ignored them as he strode forwards, pulling Excalibur from its holster at his side, the Gryphon screeching as it too advanced. Slowly Arthur raised the sword and began circling the beast. It reared up and struck out, even as Arthur parried the blow, spinning around on the spot and decapitated it. The beast exploded in a burst of magical energy and the forest fell mostly silent once again.

"That was it?" asked Gwaine. "That was the epic face off between you?" he was almost disappointed. Slowly everyone else looked at him.

"what?" asked Gwaine.

"Perhaps now we could go hunt something?" suggested Elyan. Arthur took a deep breath and nodded.

"Quietly" Percival added with meaning as he looked at George.

* * *

><p>Merlin sat on his bed watching the woman as she sat in the pile of stuff she had made a nest from. He'd tried talking to her a couple of times, but she had only responded by tilting her head as she looked at him. He sighed and lay back, realising for the first time his cold had seemed to have improved. Still that was the least of his worries at this point. He turned over and regarded the woman who was looking around the room with interest.<p>

"Merlin, I brought some bread for the bird" Gwen said as she entered the room. Merlin sat up and looked at her holding a small bag of bread crumbs.

"Gwen!" he said with a smile. Gwen returned it then it fell flat as she looked at the woman.

"Who's your friend?" she asked, the bread and the bird forgotten. "and why is she sitting on your pants?"

"Because the floors too cold!" Merlin said exasperated.

"Well I can see your busy doing… whatever it is your doing so I'll-"

"I have it!" said Gaius running in the other door. That explained why Gwen had got in, Gaius hadn't been there.

"It seems that your- oh hello Gwen" he said with a smile.

"Gaius" she greeted. "Have you met Merlin's friend?" she asked. The woman looked at her and tilted her head.

"Gwen, it's really not what you think" said Merlin.

"Merlin, I am not thinking anything right now" she assured him.

"Look you want the truth? The bird I was looking after? That's it!" he said pointing. Gaius rolled his eyes and mouthed _what are you doing?_

"_That's_ the bird?" asked Gwen looking over as the woman hopped towards her.

"Yeah. Gaius was trying to figure out what happened to her" Merlin told her, "Right Gaius?" he said.

"What? Oh yes. Well its really quite straight forward, you see what we are dealing with is a metamorphosis enchantment" Gaius told him.

"A what?" asked Gwen.

"A spell Gwen" Merlin told her as the woman handed Gwen a pair of Merlin's socks.

"Thank you" Gwen said as Merlin snatched them away from her. The woman butted him in the leg then hopped back to the corner of the room.

"As I was saying it seems this poor woman was probably enchanted at a young age to transform into a bird" Gaius said as she hopped back over, handing Gwen one of Merlin's neckerchiefs. Gwen took it and Merlin snatched it back again.

"TWEET!" the woman screamed and butted Merlin hard in the leg.

"hey OW!" he protested as she hopped away again.

"Seriously Merlin you should probably let me take whatever she gives next time. She doesn't like you snatching" Gwen said. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"If I might continue?" asked Gaius.

"Please do" Merlin said. "So she was enchanted, how did she end up becoming un-enchanted?" he asked as the woman ruffled through the nest.

"Well there are many ways to break such an enchantment, and it seems this one was a simple case of someone showing concern for the animal that caused it to reverse" Gaius said, as the Woman began to hop back over.

"So this isn't my fault?" asked Merlin as Gwen took the next item. She grimaced as she realised it was Merlin's pants. She looked at him and Merlin looked everywhere but at her. The woman, satisfied Merlin wasn't about to snatch them away hopped back over to her nest.

"No" Gaius said. An unspoken _for once_ hanging in the air.

"Well she can't stay here" said Gwen.

"Indeed not" he agreed.

"So what do we do to her?" asked Gwen, still grimacing.

"I don't know" Gaius admitted.

"We make her a bird again" said Merlin softly.

"Merlin, you can't seriously consider that an option" Gwen said taken aback. Merlin looked at her.

"Look at her Gwen, yes she looks human, she is human but she's been a bird so long that's all she knows" Merlin said. "Would you like to live like that? She'd be the laughing stock of the five kingdoms and she wouldn't even know why" he said. Gwen looked at the woman, then at Merlin and Gaius.

"Suppose I agree, for one minute, how would you do the enchantment? Its not like we have hundreds of sorcerers running around here" she said.

"We have one" Merlin replied.

"Merlin…" Gaius warned.

"Dragoon will be fine Gaius, Arthur's away, we just need to get him up here without the guards seeing him" Merlin said.

"I can do that" Gwen assured him. Merlin smiled at her. "but do you even know where Dragoon is?" she asked.

"Oh he's always nearby, just in case" Merlin said. Gwen nodded then with a glance at the woman, turned and walked out.

"Ermm Gwen?" Merlin called.

"What?"

"I'm not sure Arthur would appreciate you walking around with my undergarments" he said. A moment later the flew back through the door landing on his head. "Thanks" he called. Then fell over as the woman butted him again. A moment later the door closed, and Merlin picked his pants off his head.

"You're going to go through all the trouble of becoming Dragoon just to do a simple enchantment?" asked Gaius.

"Of course not" Merlin replied. "I needed to say something to get Gwen out of here before I do it" he said. Gaius rolled his eyes, then handed Merlin the book.

"Here, you'll also need a Iris Crystal" he said moving back into the main room. "I think I have one… ahh here it is" he said. he moved back into the room and handed it to Merlin. Merlin held it up for the woman who approached slowly. She looked at it, then grabbed it with her teeth, biting Merlin in the process, before she backed off. Merlin gripped his fingers grimacing at her.

"are you ready?" asked Gaius. Merlin looked at the book, then held out his hand.

"_Tehobody Kalarem salaran" _he intoned. His eyes glowed gold. And the woman gave a frightened Tweet then vanished. Slowly Merlin and Gaius looked at each other, before moving over to the nest. Then they both smiled as Merlin picked up the bird and took it to the window. It hopped out of his hands, hopped along the window sill, then flew off. Merlin closed the window, and looked down at the piles of clothing.

* * *

><p>It was later that night when he walked into the kings chambers holding a tray of food. Arthur stood up and practically hugged him.<p>

"You have no idea of what I've been through!" Arthur said. "George. A Gryphon, polishing armour. Lectures on eating!" he said. "How are you feeling?" he suddenly asked.

"Better" Merlin said.

"So what did you get up to?" he asked. Merlin shook his head.

"Just slept mostly" he lied. Arthur nodded and sat down, missing the knowing glance shared between Gwen and Merlin.

"Well for what its worth, the next time your ill Merlin, you will _still_ be coming to work" Arthur told him. Merlin chuckled as he poured the wine.

"no arguments there" he said. Then he frowned.

"Where's George?" he asked.

"Here sire is this sufficient?" George asked backing into the room. Merlin looked over as George swung around, the mounted head of a deer in his hands. Merlin took one look at it and fainted.

"I don't think Merlin likes it" Arthur said.

"I'll get Gaius" Gwen offered.

"Well, he doesn't even know how to faint properly. I'll have to give him some lessons on the etiquette of collapsing" George said. Slowly Gwen and Arthur both looked at George, who suddenly grinned.

"And people say I have no sense of humour" he muttered.


End file.
